Gay Rights. Gay and transgendered. I'm not completely familiar with all of the politics except that I lived through a "Vote Yes" on Prop 8 in the state of California where gay marriage was made illegal. It struck me as disappointing, in a way where I saw that even in a state considered quite liberal, the social conservative still reigned strong. What hope do other states have then? That was my own reaction, as I interpreted it... until I got to work.
I was heading out to lunch from work and headed out the back parking lot to my car. I passed by the picnic tables near the building where most people were sitting, chatting loudly, fairly jovial. Then I headed up the deck to the adjoining parking lot and passed by a second set of tables, where some of my other coworkers were sitting in a quiet lull, sullen. It was a group of gay men, whom I work with. Normally, they are a lively bunch, quick witted and funny. That afternoon, there was a completely different personna governing their lunch break.
"Hi!" I called out to them. "What are y'all doing for lunch? Why are you sitting off over here?"
"We don't really feel like being around too many other people today," one of the group responded.
And it hit me. Hard. Oh. The look on their faces made my heart break as I realized what I was witnessing. "I understand," I replied, as I headed on towards my car. I felt as if I was bearing witness to something I considered to be a part of history, not contemporary society: socially acceptable human inequality.
Here were my colleagues, my friends, my fellows and in one day, parts of their own community deemed them NOT EQUAL. Their sexuality was judged as "not socially acceptable" and it was VOTED ON! Their humanness was voted on and deemed "less-than." Our society allowed us to question and JUDGE out-right another person's very nature as being WRONG.
I'm dumbfounded even as I write the words. What's wrong with people? Who do you think you are to judge another person as less than? What is so scary about another person's sexuality that you have to make them feel less than to feel safe? What disillusionment of self are you trapped under?
So, when I started watching Margaret Cho's stand-up, Beautiful, and her voice for those who are bi, gay, and transgendered, I was inspired. You go, Margaret, I want to shout! You tell them!
However, something doesn't feel right. When I hear those who are Christian, or fundamentally religious being called, "Stupid," and "Stupid" and "Stupid" for their beliefs, I don't quite feel relief for my friends. I feel as though nobody is being helped. I feel as though those that are "victims" are remaining victims. If I insist I am right and you are wrong, then how different am I than you when you say that I am wrong and you are right?
No matter what my conviction, if I only see my half, then I am no better off than I was. I am no better than those I call, "Stupid." If I can see what the "other half" is afraid of, then I am empowered.
How are Gay Rights different than Race Rights? Most people are afraid of that that is different from them. That is why there are racial prejudices. I judge that as different than me, so I am afraid of it. People act to protect that which they know. There is great fear in the perceived unknown.
What is different in the equality of race, is that we are talking about outward differences. We are talking about the color of one's skin. One is not afraid of the black person within them. That is not where race prejudice comes from.
With the idea of Gay Rights, however, we are talking about a fear from within. We are talking about sexual orientation. We are talking about sexuality. What is the most difficult conversation our society has? Sexuality. Sex. What is the most difficult conversation you could have with parents, spouse, lover, best friends, strangers, etc? Sex! What are our greatest secrets about? Sex!
When we talk about Gay Rights and when we condemn the Conservatives, the religious, the Christian fundamentalists, what we are missing is seeing the fear and what we are asking them to confront within themselves.
We are asking these people to confront the greatest fear within a human being. It has nothing to do with you, if you are gay or transgendered. It has to do with them. It has to do with their own sexuality and fears around it, whether they are gay or potentially gay or not.
If you are gay and are out, then you have confronted those fears already. You have had to have great courage to acknowledge the very nature of who you are separate from society (not because of it) and acknowledge how that nature makes you vulnerable. As sexual beings, we have dishonored our own sexuality out of fear of being vulnerable. Our society does not honor sexuality. It uses it. It perverses it. It abhors itself for it.
As a Gay or Transgendered person you are the courageous one. I believe the key to obtaining, manifesting Gay Rights in our society will not be to condemn those that hate or are afraid of you. I believe Gay Rights will come from great compassion for the fear people have surrounding their own sexual nature.
