In memory of

Your butter laden brown sugar slathered brie

your secret to staying tan in the sun barren winter months

(bronzer) I won't tell

hugging Tina against her will
though she wore lip gloss, earrings and heels for you

your pacific blue sweater
your ironman timex I gave you

the glasses I never saw you wear until I held your funeral program in my hand
holding a tissue in the other

looking at your handsome face missing your darling handsome face

Copyright by Rachel Drews, 2011. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original.

thanks giving

14 of us gathered around
a rambling fire
after
oven roasted turkey I didn't make
only brought the brie
though roman would be proud
we say
our gratitude to each other
mine is for you
and you there, too

thanks for being with me
and Chloe

green bean casserole with slivered almonds
sweet potatoes
bok choy?

we sit next to each other like razzleberry and pumpkin pie
I'm not so traditional

except for this moment sharing grace
my belly full of it

Copyright by Rachel Drews, 2011. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original.

Man of Joy

I've been looking for you.

Won't you come say Hello?

Copyright by Rachel Drews, 2011. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original.

The Law of Attraction

Identify what I don't want.

Identify what I do want.

Get into the feeling place of what I want.

Expect it.

-Lynn Grabhorn

and many others

Here is the thing: I have to be willing to accept that which I don't want. I have to be okay with the "people, place, thing, or situation" as being exactly what it is or else all I am doing is wanting from a place of not wanting what is. There is no way around it. I can know what I don't want. I can want. But I can only be in the feeling place of what I want when I have fully accepted to being okay with what I don't want - which neutralizes it and makes space for wanting.

I have heard of there being the need for the polarity of want vs. don't want. I have heard of the need for polarity in all of the Universe. But my mind creates this idea of this vs. that and me vs. you and good vs. evil and like vs. dislike. My mind has decided these things for me. When I recognize those things exist only in my mind, then what? Then I can focus on what I want? Then I can focus on the "positive?" But then "positive" no longer exists. So, what is left?

A quiet mind is all. How nice would that be?

Copyright by Rachel Drews, 2011. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original.

We tried again, you and me

like perennial flowers

you and me

Not like the Oak tree behind my Dad's house

in Clemson

That thing is over 100 years old

We're just common chicory

you and me

Dying again every Autumn.

Copyright by Rachel Drews, 2011. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original.

People put great importance on what they think and how they feel rather than on how they think and what they feel.

Copyright by Rachel Drews, 2011. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original.

Mr. Loneliness

You are my soulmate, Mr. Loneliness.

I wish it were someone else.

But alas, it is you. With your never-ending Hello's and Where Have You Been's?

You walk me to my door every night.

May I come inside?

No.

But there you are, tucking me into bed.

It is you who will walk me down the imaginary aisle and who will say, I do. 'Till Death do we part.

I will love you, Mr. Loneliness.

I will honor you.

When I walked into pre-school in my feet pajamas and boots, you were with me. When I tried out for basketball in 7th grade, you were cheering me on. You were there with me on that dark prom night when I was 15 and then you were with me in my room 6 months later when I took over 40 ibuprofens. You cheered me on then, too.

And all through my failed attempts at college or becoming an adult. In my most private moments, you called my name.

Nobody knows me inside and out like you do.

Nobody loves me like you, Mr. Loneliness.

Copyright by Rachel Drews, 2011. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original.

Big bad student loans

Here is my idea:

Government pays off students loans in exchange for community service projects from the educated populace?

Imagine what could spawn from this:

Community service duties filled and young people who are free to spend the money they earn to help reinvest in the economy (ie. buying homes).

Copyright by Rachel Drews, 2011. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original.

How come when you have a crush on somebody, seeing their name is like catching sight of them?

Copyright by Rachel Drews, 2011. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original.

Tales of Online Dating - Yep. I do it.

Online dating (this is what the modern dating life has become) - Interesting to say the least.

Enlightened70 (he calls himself) -- calls me while I am driving home after finishing dinner with my lovely friend, Sue.

Yes, I gave Enlightened70 my phone number.

I didn't realize that I was answering an interrogation service and was bombarded with questions so dull they made me think I had somehow missed something on my taxes and the IRS had to get more information outta me. Needless to say, it was the most unimaginative conversation EVER.

Example question 1:
"So, what are you looking for?"

Example question 2:
"Did you read my profile?"

Example question 3:
"What did you think of it?"

Example question 4:
"Are you picky?"

Are you fucking kidding me? (internal dialogue off and running)

So, after about 10 mins of this, he follows up with, "So, do you have anymore pictures of yourself?"

I respond with, "Yes, I do."

(Gonna leave out the quotes, here. Follow along as best you can).
Where?
Where?
Yes, like on your phone?
On my computer.
Oh, cause I have pictures of myself on my phone and on Facebook.

Do you have Facebook?
Uh. Yeah.
Well, you can befriend me on Facebook

But I don't know you.
And I can see more pictures of you.


WHAAA??? (volume went up on the internal dialogue)

No.
No?
No. I don't know you.
I don't think that Facebook is that big of a deal. I mean, do you have something to hide?
Uh. No. I don't know you. I am not going to befriend you on Facebook.

HE hangs up on ME

WTF? Seriously? (shouting and disbelief as internal dialogue continues)

I get my purse and lunch bag and dog leash from the front seat of my car. I open the back door to let Chloe out, and we head upstairs so I can fix her some dinner.

I see the red light flashing on my phone. I have a new email from non-other than Enlightened70.

Yeah, I think you are too uptight for me. While we might not click emotionally or mentally or whatever, we might click physically. If you're up for it, let me know. xoxoxo

Now, that is what I call some online romance. So glad I followed my gut instinct on that one.

Copyright by Rachel Drews, 2011. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original.

Moneylessness

I always write the good ones when I am
sad
or
mad
or angry even
better yet
just plain writhing in the pain
without the drama because I can still smile at you
and tell you
I am all right.

Which I am.

Have always been just fine. Fed. Supplemented.

But my worry gets the best of me. Steals my minerals like a pick pocket named Manny Jefferson or Carl Gentry.

If I didn't want nothing, then I guess I'd be all right, like I say in my words.

But my dog has got to eat, and she needs her shots, too. And I, well. I need contacts for my right eye. This one here is old.

And my muscles are sore. They harbor feelings of lack, so they don't like to let go of the lactic acid that they got as a gift. I ran with them the other day.

And that hair man I met said I needed some new color, too.

Copyright by Rachel Drews, 2011. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original.

Shuddering sadness seeps

slithering out in droplets down my cheeks

Goddammit.

Goddammit.

Running is no substitute for that life you have, Man.

I am left out. Somehow this sort-of tall woman standing

beside so many with their Man.

I lift my Hope up as an offering to the Sky as if a baby swaddled for Baptism.

Grant me the Gift of Everlasting Life, Dear Lord.

Grant me the Gift of Partnership in this World, Dear Lord.

Do not make me stand here before you, with my Hope held up

to you one minute longer

feeling as though the door has long been left open

and a cold, empty
forlorn draft blows through my invisible Beauty.

Copyright by Rachel Drews, 2011. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original.

Malibu Creek State Park

I should probably write about my first marathon experience before delving into this morning's run in Malibu Creek State Park. But the marathon did not inspire me to hit the pages like cresting thousands of feet and overlooking rock and brush and wildly speckled landscape did. And perhaps my new MacBook Pro. And perhaps not bombarding my currently injured running buddy (though at the tail end of healing a fractured tibia) with the barrage of inspired verbiage in an email. Dude is busy.

I don't feel like finding the right adjectives to describe the beauty of the mountainous terrain of the Bulldog Trail, though starting out, I wish the song had been "Jeremiah was a Bulldog..." I felt good enough at first to have a song in my head, albeit with substituted lyrics. As I pitter-pattered up the first part of the elevation rise, I felt fresh and grateful. As the grade maintained its positive real number status, and my muscles began to fatigue (4 miles in, mind you) I remembered advice that I first read in Born To Run by Christopher McDougall and then experienced "for reals" during the LA Marathon (my first): "Respect the distance."

Yep. Completely true.

My mind likes to forget what my body quickly remembers.

Copyright by Rachel Drews, 2011. All rights reserved. Any excerpts reproduced from this article should include links to the original.